When enough is enough with the lie your mind keeps telling

I’ve been doing a lot of hiking lately and have had lots of early-morning time to think, and I’ve been listening to Joseph Goldstein’s podcast, who wrote Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening. This morning, while I was drinking my coffee and doing my morning pages, I noticed how loud some of my thoughts were in my head, and the same stories my mind keeps telling me.

Like, “Shannon, why are you writing now? You need to get out on your hike before it gets too hot. You don’t have time to do this right now, be responsible, write tomorrow.”

What was interesting was that these stories are loosely based on truth. Yeah, sure, it may get too hot for me to walk. Yet, I’m dedicated to my morning pages, so if it’s too hot, I will skip my walk. Those are my priorities. My mind is basically trying to keep me safe, which isn’t always my top priority. 

There is one thought that became a big story that took hold of me for a long time. What’s also interesting is talking with my brother; it was ingrained in him, too. It’s that my worth as a human is tied to how much money I bring in for my family.

And for the past 3 months, my therapist and a good friend have pointed it out to me. That’s when I realized I’ve let that story kick my butt my whole life. That’s when I knew I had to stop listening to this lie and debunk it. My belief about this old story needed to change because it just wasn’t true.

This is something that you may have experienced too. You’re just sitting there with your coffee, or walking through the woods, or standing in the kitchen, and start to pay closer attention to your thoughts and start wondering, “Why am I thinking this right now? Is this even true?”

That’s the moment I think about because I know how easy it is to miss. It doesn’t always arrive as a big declaration. Sometimes it shows up as exhaustion, or a small ache in your chest, or that feeling of, “I have been here before, and I do not want to keep going down this same road in my mind.”

The interesting thing about the mind, as I mentioned earlier, is that so much of its job is to keep us safe. And the other really scary thing is that it can make the old story sound so convincing, sometimes in a big brother, I’m the boss of you way.

Things I’ve noticed: It can tell you you’re stuck because you haven’t figured it out yet. Or that being in pain means you’re doing something wrong. It can also go into lying mode, convincing you that your fear of something, like maybe speaking, is wisdom that you need to do something else instead. When really it may just be the same protective voice trying to keep you safe and comfortable.

This is where it can get a bit tricky, so stay with me.

Your mind lies to you, and what’s tricky is that it doesn’t always sound like a lie when it’s been living in your head for a long time. It can sound responsible or practical. Sometimes it sounds like, “Be careful.” And then all the “don’ts” start coming.

Don’t…
Trust this.
Get your hopes up.
Ask for too much.
Be too visible.

Even if the thoughts hurt, at least you start to get familiar with them. The shame spiral, overthinking, replaying, trying to make sense of something that may never make sense.

So what’s happening is that the old story has set up furniture in your mind. And sadly, you and I have lived there long enough to know where everything is.

That familiarity can make it feel true.

And it can start to feel heavy, which reminds me of one of my favorite books by Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go. She wrote about the moment when you realize that what you’ve been holding on to becomes a weight on your back. And that’s when it’s time to say “enough is enough.”

That’s the part I underlined in my mind because I think this is where real change starts. It’s not about having the whole answer or the ten-step plan. Change can begin in a much smaller, more honest place.

It’s when you finally are willing to ask, “Is this thought a truth or a lie?”

That honesty with yourself is where the real work begins.

It’s not about shaming you for having the thought. It doesn’t tell you to hurry up and get over whatever old ache got stirred up again. It simply gives you a little breathing room between what your mind is saying and what may actually be true.

Because sometimes your mind can be really loud. And that doesn’t mean it’s telling you the truth.

Your mind may say you’re behind. Or you should be over this by now. It may say you missed your chance, made the wrong choice, trusted the wrong person, waited too long, or that you’re never going to become the person you thought you’d become.

Those thoughts can feel like truth when you’re in H.A.L.T.S., which is hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or sad. Grief can make them louder. Fear can make them sound more urgent. Old wounds can hand them a microphone and say, “See, this is why you should never have hoped for anything different.”

This is where I think you and I need to get really honest with ourselves.

The old story your mind keeps telling may have started as a form of protection. It remembers what happened before, who disappointed you, what broke your heart, and what made you feel rejected, embarrassed, or alone.

So when you stand at the edge of something new, your mind reaches for what it knows. It just grabs the old file with the old familiar warning.

That is why pausing and observing your thoughts matters.

You don’t have to fight your mind or wrestle every thought to the ground. And you definitely don’t have to become some perfectly mindful person who floats above life, drinking green tea while everyone else deals with traffic, bills, business decisions, and the occasional meltdown in the kitchen.

One thing I keep sitting with from all the mindfulness work I’ve been listening to is that the practice is not to stop thinking. That won’t ever happen. That’s what the mind is programmed to do.

The practice is to notice the thought as a thought before you turn it into a command or the final word on who you are and what is possible.

That tiny shift matters because the moment you can notice, “Oh, this is the old fear talking,” you are no longer completely inside it. You have a little space. Maybe not a lot. Maybe just enough to breathe before you believe.

And sometimes enough is enough begins right there.

Not with a dramatic exit or burning the whole thing down. Sometimes it’s about being willing to stop making a home inside a story that keeps you safe and doesn’t let you live.

So the next time you stop and pay attention to that thought, the old story, when it starts to get loud, try this.

1. Put your feet on the floor.
2. Name what’s happening: “This is the old story talking.”
3. Then ask yourself, “Is this thought a truth or a lie?”
4. And if you’re not sure yet, ask, “Is this still true enough to follow?”

You may not know what the new path looks like or even feel brave, clear, or sure. The next step may feel like fog, and the old path may still look safer simply because you recognize the turns.

All of that is okay.

You simply need to pause, take a long breath, and have enough willingness to pay attention to the story in your head and ask yourself if it’s still serving you or keeping you from the life you’re meant to lead. 

Hands at your back.
Always,

Shannon

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