I wasn’t sure I could do this…

I’ve been going to Sedona since I was in my late 30s, often during some of the biggest transitions of my life, when relationships were ending or beginning, when I was grieving, searching, healing, or trying to understand what came next.

Seven years ago, Alice and I got married there with our families around us. My mom was there.

This summer, we went back for the first time since our wedding. 

My mom was gone. Both of my dogs were gone. My business, which had once been thriving, had been struggling for a while, and I was trying to figure out whether I could reinvent it again at 62. I was grieving, frustrated, scared, and tired of wondering what the hell I was supposed to do next.

Sedona was still Sedona, with those red rocks, the trails I love, and that amazing energy I’ve always felt there.

Our trip was a little more discombobulated than magical at first. We’d barely slept before our early flight, and both of us were carrying a lot. By the last day, I almost didn’t make time to write.

I’d been reading my friend Yanik Silver’s Cosmic Journal, and one of the exercises was to write yourself a love letter. His question was simple: What do you really and truly admire about yourself? Don’t overthink it. What would your heart say?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could do it. I felt like I was struggling in so many parts of my life, so writing about how much I loved and admired myself felt like a bit of a stretch.

Still, I sat down in the little kitchen booth next to the window with my four sheets of paper and started:

“Dear Shannon, I’ve never written to tell you how much I love you. I do, I do, I really do.”

Almost immediately, my hand just started flying across the page. I didn’t have to sit there trying to think of things I admired about myself or convince myself any of it was true. The words just came.

I wrote about how deeply I love people and animals, my intuition, and how much I love learning, discovering, and putting ideas together. My life has been pretty f#cking hard in places. 

And I’ve had to reinvent myself more times than I ever expected through getting sober, coming out, relationships ending, jobs disappearing, and losing people I loved.

What surprised me later was what I hadn’t written about. Almost nothing about money, titles, clients, accomplishments, or any of the things I’d spent so much of my life using as evidence that I was doing okay. 

When I stopped looking at the scorecard, what came out instead was who I was, how I loved, what I cared about, and how I had shown up through all of it.

At one point, I wrote, “I know it feels like you’ve lost your way. And what you need to remember is that your intuition always shows you the way home.”

I’d come back to Sedona so many times over the years while I was searching, healing, changing, becoming. This time, I found myself filling pages with what I already knew about the woman I’d become.

A week later, the envelope arrived home a little worn from the trip. There was my handwriting on the front, which I’ve never loved, an Ansel Adams mountain stamp I’d picked out on purpose, and my return address sticker with pictures of my two dogs who were no longer here. I couldn’t help smiling when I saw it.

The next morning, after Alice left for work, I opened it and read it all.

I smiled again when I reached the last line, ‘I love you madly, Shannon!’ But what stayed with me even more was everything I had written before I got to that line.

At a time when I honestly wasn’t sure I could fill four pages with what I loved and admired about myself, I’d filled every single one. And the funny thing is, I could have kept going.

What about you? Have you ever written a love letter to yourself?

I’d love you to share. And if you’re inspired, check out the P.S. link below to see the exercise I did and, if you want, Yanik’s journal. 

Hands at your back.
Always,
Xox
Shannon

P.S. Here’s a link to the inspirational page to write your own letter. This is what started me on the “Dear Me” journey from Yanik Silver’s book, Cosmic Journal. Maybe it will inspire you. 🙂 ‘d highly recommend his journal. Here’s the link to check it out on Amazon.   

Weekly Photos:

1. Yep, this is what happens sometimes. I love sweet potato chips, and sometimes I get to the bottom of the bowl, and yeah, there’s a chip, seriously shaped like a heart… You can’t make this stuff up. Nope, this is no AI chip; it’s a real one. 🙂
2. What’s an eNewsletter without a pic of a deer? I always see them and even their families on the trail. I love talking to them, and they just keep staring at you, waiting to see what you’re gonna do next.
3. Now, as it’s getting a little cooler, I’m seeing animal tracks in the dirt. I think this one’s either a raccoon or a skunk. Glad I didn’t run into them!
4. What an awesome moon to end August. I took this photo the next morning. Check out the moon on the right side of the pic. It’s still here at 7:30 a.m.
5. Here’s one of the resident crows in our area. Always serenading us as we drink our morning coffee. I saw this one on my way to a hike near the Sundial Bridge where we live.
6. This was an amazing sunrise this past week. The sky and clouds were crazy. This picture looks like a huge bird in flight, with its wings, big legs, and feet. The sky in the fall doesn’t disappoint.
7. This is part of the Sacramento River Trail, which I walk under this bridge. The morning sun made for a nicely framed photo of the path. I just love all the green and the still water. Something about mornings when no one’s around but me, the trail, the water, and my thoughts. 🙂

P.S. If something in this story hit home and you’re wrestling with a decision, change, or something you know is there but can’t quite hear clearly, I’d be happy to jump on a call with you. Just some curious questions and a conversation to help you hear what might already be there. Leave me a comment or hit the “Contact Me” above and send me a note.

P.S.S. Love Books as I Do? – I’m always reviewing the best nonfiction books – Where Buddha Meets Business.

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