What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Many years ago, back when I lived and worked in New Jersey…

The computer screen sits there ultra-bright, and the cursor keeps blinking at me, taunting me to get my fingers on the keyboard and get the words out already…

Yeah, the words aren’t coming yet. It’s been a long day, and my commute back and forth to work always sucks because it eats over 2 ½ hours of my life in New Jersey traffic you can’t even imagine. (Unless you’ve lived there 😉  I can still feel the tension in my shoulders as I try to relax into my chair.

I’m sitting in my home office, staring at the photos on my office wall, when I notice the dogs curled up in their beds next to my chair. It’s a good distraction because the words still aren’t surfacing. I can feel myself on the edge of something, which makes it even more annoying and frustrating.

I had a call earlier today with my executive coach, Debbie, whom I’ve been working with for several months. That call keeps replaying in my mind on a mental loop, stirring and unsettling something deep within me.

On our weekly call, we always start with her asking, “So, how are you? How is your day going so far?” And I do what I always do, which is to catch her up on my world, and that means sharing all the horrible things that went wrong for me since our last call, leading up to today, and it’s a pretty big list. 

That is, until today, when she asks me one simple question.

“Shannon, have you always answered the question, ‘How are you doing?’ with complaints and all the things that have gone wrong in the past week? I’ve noticed that you do this a lot in our sessions.”

Whoa, in that moment, I feel like all the air has been sucked out of the room. I can feel myself stumbling over my words, trying to figure out how to respond.

Fear hits my stomach because it feels like she’s calling me on my stuff. The worst part is realizing she’s right. I have that deer-in-the-headlights feeling where my mind just freezes.

A “Wait, what did you say?” moment runs through my head, even though nothing comes out of my mouth.

And almost immediately, I know something else. This is exactly what my mom does. Someone asks her how she’s doing, and she has a laundry list of everything that’s wrong. Sitting there on the phone with Debbie, I realize I sound just like her.

I take a deep breath because I can feel fear and defensiveness trying to come up. And I remember I hired her as my executive coach to help me grow and change. In that moment, I thank her for pointing this out to me. Then we spend the rest of the call talking about it.

After I hang up, I realize there’s much more to process. 

It feels like a door has been unlocked that can never be locked again. 

I’m sitting here thinking: Have I been doing this my whole life? When someone asks me how I’m doing, do I automatically reach for everything that’s gone wrong? Holy sh#t.

The scariest part isn’t even that I do it. It’s that I wasn’t aware enough to realize I could change it. Or that there was another way to be. If you don’t know you’re doing something, you can’t choose differently. Now I’m seeing it so clearly that I can’t unsee it.

My eyes slowly return to the blinking cursor on my home computer. Debbie’s question is still echoing in me, with all those thoughts and feelings attached. 

I keep coming back to the same thing: now that I can see it, what am I going to do with it?

Now, as my fingers finally hover over the keys, I realize this isn’t just a diary entry. I decide to email Debbie about this whole experience. What happened earlier today matters. 

I want to mark this moment like a stake in the ground because this is the beginning of a new Shannon, slowly leaving the old pattern behind.

As I start to type, the words finally come. The best advice my coach gave me that day came through one question that made me see something about myself I could never unsee.

What I focus on every day expands. And now that I can see where my attention automatically goes, I have a choice about where I put it. When I catch myself falling back into that old pattern, I can choose again.

I wonder what advice or question has stayed with you like that? Maybe it was something someone told you, or maybe, as Debbie did for me, someone asked you the question you needed to hear.

What’s the best advice or question you’ve ever been given?

You know me, I’d love to hear it. 🙂

Hands at your back.
Always,
Xox
Shannon

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Weekly Photos:

1. Happiness, to me, is simply watching a happy dog fall asleep next to her favorite ball…
2. Saw SO many deer this week – wow, there were 15 of them in this one yard. They were all spread out, so they wouldn’t fit in my frame, or I’d scare them. It’s not the best picture… yet you can see 5 of them having breakfast.
3. The clouds this week were kind of wild. They looked like Einstein’s hair, like the vapor streaks from fireworks. I love early mornings when the sky paints such beautiful, inspiring pictures.
4. I just love these heart-shaped leaves. And when you see two of them facing you on a walk – whoa, gotta snap that shot!
5. You can’t beat a clear river and the amazing spiky hair clouds in the sky. Made for a picture I may just print on a metal frame and hang it on my wall. 🙂
6. I think I’ve shared the Redding Sundial Bridge here before. It’s a cool bridge; the white arm you see is the top part. I loved this photo because the moon was still out and almost looks like it’s gonna hit the bridge. 🙂
7. I may have shared a similar bridge picture before last fall. This time of year, the river is so calm; the reflection in the water makes it look like big ovals are supporting the bridge.

P.S.S. Love Books as I Do? – I’m always reviewing the best nonfiction books – Where Buddha Meets Business.

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