I still wonder if I did enough…

My boss is pissed. We’re in the middle of a five-day live event with over 300 attendees. He’s furious because our event production team didn’t do what he expected. I’ve assessed what happened, and it’s a minor mistake at best.

Sure, something didn’t go according to plan on stage, but we still have three more days together, and there are a million moving parts to these events.

I’m trying to calm him down and reason with him. We’re all exhausted, hardly getting any sleep, and the last thing we need is to blow this out of proportion.

But he’s not listening, and I’ve seen him go on the warpath before.

You never quite know when it’ll happen, but usually around day two or three of one of our five-day events, something sets him off. He has this way of using fear and intimidation to force people to get on top of their game, almost like he’s testing them to see how they’ll respond. 

And tonight, it’s my friend who’s about to get the brunt of it. She owns the event production company I recommended and brought in to run our live events.

We’ve been friends for many years, ever since we met sitting next to each other on a plane after an event. She’s incredibly smart, courageous, and isn’t afraid to speak her mind.

This is her first event with us, and I know what an incredible opportunity it could be for her business. Now my boss wants me to summon her to his suite.

It’s already after 9 p.m., and we’ve had a completely full day. I’m dreading what’s about to happen. I did my best to talk him out of it, and he’s not budging.

So I do my job and ask her to come upstairs. I give her a heads-up beforehand about what to expect. When she arrives, I answer the door, and we give each other that look, the one that says, “It’ll be okay. I’ve got your back.”

She’s worked with difficult personalities before. And I want her to understand that this is how he gets sometimes, and we’ll work through it.

As he starts in on her, I’m standing right beside her, wishing I could interrupt him and put a stop to the whole thing. Yet, I can see how impaired he is with substances.

So I know challenging him right now could make things even worse. If I step in, as I’ve done before, he could turn his anger on me.

Tonight, I’m not willing to risk my job, especially when I know interrupting him, sadly, won’t make a bit of difference.

Still, I hate standing there listening to him belittle someone I respect. We just have to get through the next fifteen minutes. And somehow, we do.

When it’s finally over, I walk her out of his suite and into the hallway. We’re both spent from the long days and lack of sleep. There’s just so much that goes into running an event like this.

As I shut the door, I turn to her to say something, and she starts to cry.

Oh, man. I feel horrible about what’s just happened. I ask her if I can give her a hug, and she says yes. We stand there holding each other for maybe ten seconds before she steps back and wipes away her tears.

I tell her this isn’t her fault and that there’s nothing she could have done differently, especially since it’s her first event with him. “I’m so sorry you had to experience this. He usually goes off the deep end around day two or three of the conference.”

I explain that I’ve seen him do this to other people, and I’m certainly not condoning his behavior. I want her to understand that this isn’t about her abilities or the incredible job she and her team are doing.

So I say, “At some point, when you feel up to it, let’s figure out what we can learn from this. We’re a team. And I brought you in here.”

She thanks me and suggests we talk more about it later. There’s still so much to handle before the next day of the event, and she needs to get back downstairs.

Deep down, I know I can’t take away what she’s feeling. Yet, I can listen, comfort her, and do whatever I can for us to come back from this.

Before I head downstairs, I go back into my boss’s suite. I tell him she’s gonna be okay and that I need to help everyone prepare for tomorrow. He makes a glib comment and tells me he’s satisfied with the outcome. Overall, he’s happy with her and her team.

Seriously? After everything he’s just put her through, that’s how you show someone they’re doing a good job?

I ask him if we could have handled the situation differently. He laughs at me.

That’s when I know there’s no point in continuing this conversation tonight. So I get the heck out of there and head downstairs to check on my friend and help everyone prepare for the next day.

Looking back on that night fourteen years ago…

I still wish I’d had more training and guts to stand up to him while he was calling her on the carpet for something minuscule. 

Maybe I could have handled it differently. I could have stood up to him and told him how I felt.

Yet, I wasn’t sober then, and I didn’t have the wisdom and experience that I have now. I can see how scared I was of confronting someone so psychologically manipulative and impaired. And I believe I was doing the best I could at that time.

What I do know is that I couldn’t let my friend walk away believing she’d failed or deserved to be treated that way. 

When I think back on that night, that’s not what I remember most. I remember standing in that hallway after 9 p.m., holding my friend while she cried.

I couldn’t undo what had just happened inside that suite or change the man who’d done it.

Yet, I could be there for her and help her pick up the pieces. And looking back, I know that experience will always stay with me.

Hands at your back.
Always,
🙂
Shannon

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Hands at your back.
Always,
Xox
Shannon

P.S. Is there a business decision you’ve been going around in circles about? Or a challenge you can’t quite figure out? Sometimes having another experienced set of eyes can help you see what you’ve been missing.

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Weekly Photos:

1. You know me and hearts… well, this was a sight off the river… Fall leaves curiously shaped like a heart. Thank you, Mother Nature. I so appreciate what you share with me every day. And the reflection in the water was a nice bonus .:-)
2. This young buck startled me. I was walking along a curve and turned right, and that’s how close he was! He gave me his best side, then a second later he bent down to continue eating the grass.
3. This pup, Parker, has been wonderful to hang out with while my contractor Hank and his crew worked on our deck. We had nice naps, ball and toy playing, as per usual when you have a dog around. Alice and I finally decided it was time to get another dog. So the search begins. It’s been 12 years since I got a new dog. A lot has changed since then…
4. A few days after Halloween, the neighborhood has been flooded with so many crows. Not sure if the kids left a lot of candy, or what they’re after. They’re just hanging out on the streets…
5. The deck is finally done! And it was almost painless. When they hit the pipe to the master bathroom’s sink and had a bit of a leak, they patched it up nicely. We are incredibly happy to have a whole new space to hang out safely for many years to come.
6. Here’s the gang that put the deck together, along with Alice and me. How do you not take a pic of your contractor and his best worker?! They were here a lot in the last 3 weeks. We are more than pleased with the deck that’s made with materials to keep us safe and the surrounding area safe from fires.
7. You’ve seen this shot A LOT! Can you tell? It’s my favorite any time of the year. Especially in the fall, when you get that still water reflection from all of those clouds and Shasta Bally. Always moving and changing, kind of like us. 🙂

P.S.S.S. Love Books as I Do? – I’m always reviewing the best nonfiction books – Where Buddha Meets Business.

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