The Woman In 19C Who Changed My Holiday Plan

Core Article: The Woman In 19C who Changed my Holiday Plan

Paragraph I’m Pondering: “Look how far we’ve come…”

Powerful Affirmations to Inspire: “I prioritize peace…”

Cool Stuff: Why people are stealing diner mugs…

AI Info & Resources: Rainbows and AI, oh my…

The Woman In 19C who Changed my Holiday Plan

I was away last week for a mastermind meeting. I hadn’t been to a live in-person meeting with like-minded entrepreneurs in over two years…

It was kind of a crazy decision, because it was only a one-day event… I said to myself: “I’m not sure I can justify the cost of flying across the country for just one day…” As soon as I said that, my brain already grabbed and ran with it.

This meeting wasn’t a cost. It would be an investment in me, for present and future work, and building new relationships and connections. And one that, intuitively, after giving it much thought and journaling, I knew I had to be there.

Has that ever happened to you?

Then weird things started happening (or not so weird) as I arrived to make the trip even more interesting and fulfilling, meeting up with clients, and, for me, the nostalgia of flying back to the city I lived across the Hudson from for over 26 years… Oh, how I missed you, NYC. Flying into LaGuardia at night, the views of the City at night did not disappoint ,and I haven’t seen them in many, many years…

What I want to share as we enter into the “official holidays” to end the year… You know the time we get together with friends and family, and sometimes the mayhem, stress, and bringing everyone’s “stuff” back together in one home can cause some anxiety and cortisol spikes…

Go back with me to this moment when I wrote this on the plane to NYC.

So, I’m sitting here on an airplane on the slow ride from CA to NYC, writing this on my computer in the exit row. The row in front of me, those seats do not recline because of the exit door. If you’re sitting in that row, it says in plain view that the seat doesn’t recline.

This is a four-hour flight. And literally every 10–20 minutes or so, the woman in the aisle seat keeps ramming herself backwards to try to recline the seat. I mean, I get it, when you first get in the seat, sure, try it a few times. Yet, we’re three hours in, and she’s still doing it. I’m just glad she’s not sitting in front of me, cuz writing this email on this seatback tray with it moving every few minutes would be very frustrating.

I found myself throughout the flight wanting to tap her on the shoulder and let her in on the secret. Then my seatmate and I thought it best not to, as we didn’t want to embarrass her… And it honestly wasn’t any of our business.

This got me thinking about the holidays coming up and the Mel Robbins episode I had just listened to. So many lightbulbs were going off that I just had to share some insights with you…

She did this piece from her Let Them Theory Book – about difficult relationships, and this podcast episode is appropriately called:

“Let Them Be A Porcupine.” Hmmmm…. I do love that title.

It landed for me in the most unexpected way, because the woman in front of me, still trying to recline her immovable seat, became this metaphor I couldn’t unsee.

She’s the person you and I may know, the one who keeps doing that same thing over and over, even when it clearly doesn’t work, even when the seat won’t move, because she’s expecting a different result and can’t accept that it’s not happening.

And during the holidays, we often find ourselves surrounded by people doing just that, rattling off old stories, picking old wounds, falling back into habits we wish they’d outgrown.

Yet, Mel’s message was simple and freeing: “Let them be who they are and let them do what they do.” It’s not your job or anyone’s job to change them. You don’t need to explain why the seat won’t recline. You don’t need to save them from themselves. You don’t need to manage their emotions, drama, resistance, or their energy.

Mel talks about the importance of getting really clear before you even walk through the front door of the house you’re spending the holiday in…

Why are you going?
What do you want to bring to the space?
And what are you not willing to carry home with you?

That part really struck me, because how often I’ve gone into holiday gatherings already tensing up, bracing myself, holding on to this fantasy that maybe this year things will be different. Or certain family members will suddenly be easier to talk to, or more emotionally mature, or less triggering.

When the real truth is, they are probably going to be the same. And you know what? That’s going to have to be ok. Because now you and I get to choose how we want to show up. And we get to choose who we want to be in those moments.

What if you and I decided that this year’s holidays would be about a simple connection and taking good care of ourselves?

To do our damndest to stay grounded in kindness and curiosity.
Be present with the people we care about. (Even if those people are stuck in their old whining, complaining, and picking at everyone behaviors… Let’s choose to handle it differently.)
Keep our energy in check and protect the peace we’ve both worked hard to create for ourselves and everyone around us.
And if we mess up and someone triggers us, THAT IS OK TOO – Let’s all ask for GRACE.

And let’s remember this simple truth: it’s not our job to fix anyone, especially not the “porcupines” in our lives.

Do this instead:

Recognize them for who they are, accept that, and then decide how you want to respond from a place of calm and clarity, not reactivity.
Maybe when “Uncle Joe” makes a passive-aggressive comment, you choose to smile and let it slide, or if things get tense, you go into the kitchen or head to the bathroom for a timeout.
Or if you have the courage to gently redirect the conversation by saying, “Hey, I’d rather not go there, let’s talk about something else,” or if you need to, quietly excuse yourself altogether and choose not to get pulled into drama, that’s ok too.
Want More? Click here to “When Your Brain Gets Too Loud.” I wrote this a few weeks ago about your four brains and how your emotions only last for 90 seconds. My favorite tool to date is taking deep breaths and slowly letting them out, which helps calm my nervous system.

NOTE: This isn’t about being perfect or pretending like things don’t affect you. It’s about remembering that you always have the power to choose how to respond, and that choosing peace, even when someone else is pushing your buttons, is a tremendous strength, not a weakness.

Mel said something else that really landed for me: “You are so much more powerful than you believe. Focus on what you can control.” And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So this Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, as the tension inevitably rises in small or big ways, as the old dynamics creep in, let’s you and me remind ourselves that it’s not about fixing anyone or needing people to be different.

It’s about how we choose to show up, stay connected to what matters most, and let go of the rest.

Because in the end, “they can try to recline all they want in the chair that doesn’t recline.”

I’ll just be over here with you, writing a different story, one that feels a whole lot more peaceful, healthy, and grounded.

Sending you a big hug. And I want you to know how grateful I am that you are reading this right now. I appreciate you more than you know.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones.

Hands at Your Back,
Always

Xox

P.S. Thanks for all the feedback on the Soulful Marketing Planner. So glad it was helpful! If you haven’t downloaded it yet, you can get my gift for you here.

Paragraph I’m Pondering

“Look how far we’ve come! It’s good to focus on the task ahead and on what remains to be done. It’s important to stop and feel pleased about what we’ve accomplished too. Yes, it may seem that change has been slow. At times, change is grueling. Yes, we’ve taken steps backward. But we’re right where we’re supposed to be. We’re right where we need to be. And we have come so far. Sometimes by leaps, sometimes with tiny steps, sometimes kicking in screaming, all the while, sometimes with sleeves rolled up and white knuckles, we’ve learned. Grown. Change. Look how far we’ve come. Today, I will appreciate my progress. I will let myself feel good about what has been accomplished.”
~ Melody Beattie, Language of Letting Go

Powerful Affirmations to Inspire

“I lead with confidence, and others are inspired by my leadership.”
“I now claim, accept, and embody the abundance that is mine by divine right.”
“I prioritize peace and well-being as part of my success.”

Cool Stuff

Ever eaten at a diner? When I lived on the East Coast, it was practically a weekly thing. In NJ, there’s usually one almost on every corner. What’s interesting about diners is this question? Why do they all use the same coffee mug? You want to know the interesting answer that dates back to the early days of WW2.
I’ve been fascinated by Neuroscience for a while now. And this article was interesting because it’s about the 5 stages of the human brain. It’s based on age. So the big question is which stage is your brain in???
Love this feel-good story about a former inmate whose mission is to create and build libraries in every prison. No one should be denied the right to learn.

AI Info and Resources

Interesting AI perspective and rainbows are also included…
If you use OpenAI’s ChatGPT, they’re rolling out group chats soon… hmmmm… discover more here
Sam Altman’s new AI device is coming… and he claims it’s ”more peaceful than the iPhone.” Hmmm….

Weekly Photos

The event I went to was called Titans XL, run by Brian Kurtz. His business philosophy is a lot like mine. In our business, it’s about creating connections, building trust, and finding friends and colleagues that you want to work with, cuz it doesn’t feel like work…

At Brian’s events, he always has a check-in gift and a quote. He loves giving us savory treats from his area.
This is the huge, long table where Brian does the most unbelievable dinners. He curates the dinner and spends hours putting you next to people that you will connect with, and usually people you don’t know. I always leave his event with several new friends and tablemates. This dinner was no exception.
There’s Brian and I after the dinner. I’ve known him and been in mastermind/masterclass and now Titans XL since 2017. Being in his group has helped me grow my business by leaps and bounds. Oh, and we both have about the same amount of grey hair too!
This was a pic I took this morning. The fog reminded me of London. It was so thick and wet, kind of crazy, and a bit eerie early this morning.
I found these two nickels on my walk this morning. Good thing they were shiny in the fog, cuz I saw them from a distance and had to investigate. Sure enough, I’m 10 cents richer today than yesterday. Nickels are linked to the energies of Angel #5, which is associated with freedom, adventure, and spiritual growth.
Aww, I miss that sweet Emma. This was taken last year at Thanksgiving dinner. Yep, she just hopped up on the chair expecting to be part of the turkey dinner… She was always funny like that…
The is Mt. Shasta from 20k feet in the air. Wow, she looks so majestic in November, and so beautiful from above. It’s almost like she’s floating. I love my lil iPhone camera.

NEW: P.S. New Invitation – I’m going to launch my next Soulful Marketing Accelerator Co-hort in late January. 🙂 If you’re longing for like-minded community and ready to move through your fears to grow a purpose–driven business rooted in authenticity and aligned with your dream clients… Welllll. Go here to be first in line when I reopen the doors again. Would love to have you.

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