Part 2 of : Am I the Type of Person People Want to be Around?

Last week, I shared with you my thought process of examining myself with the question “Am I the type of person people want to be around?”  This week, I am going to finish with the last two parts.  As I explored these two subjects, I made a promise to be completely honest with myself.  So, I encourage you to do the same.  In order for you to truly evaluate yourself, remember complete honesty is key.

1. What kind of presence do I leave with people?

Defining someone’s presence is a hard quality to explain.  Basically, it involves how you are in regards to socially, self-confidence, and body language.  Believe it or not, these three characteristics are hard to fake once you get over that first impression.  Let me break these three characteristics down for you to understand better:

  • Socially- It’s also about – are you an Extrovert – get your energy from others, or an Introvert – getting your energy from being alone and recharging?
    • Are you the type of person who has a hard time talking or being around others?  An introvert?
    • Or are you someone who can easily start a conversation with anyone around you?  An extrovert?
    • If you are the second type, chances are socially you are the magnet others are drawn to in a group.
    • If you are the first one, the only way you are going to be that magnetic person is to take a risk and get out of your comfort zone.  Push through your fear to start a conversation.

The key is to simply BE
YOURSELF – otherwise you are going to appear awkward and the situation may be
more uncomfortable. I find being honest is always best
.

  • Self-Confidence vs. Arrogance
    • There is a huge difference between being arrogant and self-confident.
    • An arrogant person knows everything and does not want to hear any other opinion but their own.
    • A confident person will take the time not only to listen to other’s but also is curious, open minded, and wants to hear others thought processes and beliefs.

A confident person
attracts others naturally by their self-belief to get any job/task done, being open-minded,
and showing others respect in all areas of life. 

  • Body Language
    • Body language often speaks much louder than verbal words.
    • If your arms are crossed, you avoid eye contact, you are constantly moving your foot or fingers, and slouching, you are sending a verbal
      message.  This type of verbal message is not a good one.  All these movements tell someone else that you are not approachable and do not want to be bothered.
    • Positive and welcoming body language includes direct eye contact at all times, arms are in a relaxed position, you are engaged in the
      conversation, smiling and asking open ended questions.

Sending positive body
language is an open invitation to anyone around you.  People will be drawn to approaching you
rather than being scared or shy. 

1. Am I honest?

Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to communicating with others.  If the people around you know they will always get an honest answer from you, then it’s easier to trust.  Not only that, honesty communicates openness automatically.  If someone needs advice or has a problem they will come to you because of your honesty.  This does not mean you have to reveal every single detail of your life. At the same time, don’t exaggerate or make things up when sharing something with others.

Hopefully, you as a reader have been inspired to examine the type of person you are around other people.  Remember, in order to be effective and make an impact on other’s life, you have to be willing to examine yourself and change if needed.

Life is Simply Made up of Many Transitions…

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Yours truly and Melanie my godchild

I will never forget that particular day in February,  many years ago, when I received the call that my sister was on her way to the hospital because she was going to have her first baby.  This was big news in our family, mainly because she was the first sibling to have a baby. It was doubly exciting for me because I was going to be an aunt and she had asked me to be the baby’s godparent. I was awed and taken aback, sounded like a big responsibility, yet I was thrilled and jumped in with both feet as I always do.

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My mom, sister, me and Melanie at her christening

The christening was about 6 weeks later, so I booked my plane ticket and flew down to meet my little godchild. She was beautiful, always smiling, happy and had taken to me as I held her and rocked her to sleep. She loved to fall asleep on my shoulder.  It was an amazing experience, holding that little tiny baby as she was baptized and everyone looking on in the church.  The only sad thing for me was my sister lived over 1000 miles away, so I would try to make a trip once a year for a week to visit and hang out with my godchild. I remember one trip in particular we had had so much fun, that when it was time for me to go she ran onto the bed and flopped across my suitcase and declared “I’m going, pack me in your bag!”

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Melanie trying to fit into my suitcase so I can take her home with me. (She was 3 yrs old)

Fast forward 16 years later, my little godchild is not so little anymore (She’s taller than me now!).  In fact, I just got back from spending a week with her, my sister and her family.  As it turned out, my wonderful godchild was graduating from high school.  It was so wonderful to be there for her. She’s so grown up! When did that happen?  It was another amazing experience and a huge transition. In fact, my sister and I, since her first child was born, have both gone through many transitions. She moved several times and had 2 more kids, both girls.  My transitions were many, surviving 4 layoffs in 9 years, a divorce, and the poor passing of my 2 beloved Golden Retrievers.

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Melanie and I at her graduation this month. (She's 18 now!)

So, as I was sitting there in that amphitheater with my mom, watching Melanie (my godchild) walk across that stage and accept her diploma, I was awash with tears of joy and sadness.  How did this time pass so quickly?  And when did I become the “cool” aunt that all my nieces wanted to hang out with?  How bizarre to be sitting here watching a graduation of over 600 students in Houston, Texas and be struck with all the transitions we go through in life.  So, this prompted me to write because as I saw the amazing transformation of my godchild, I also know she has wonderful parents (and aunts, uncles and grand parents) who have instilled in her many survival tips and tactics of sorts on how to make it through each and every life transition in one piece.

And since I’ve been through many of my own life transitions, some of them all at once (my divorce, laid off from my job, losing my house, my best WomenOnFire1_4friend) I wrote a chapter about it for this awesome book by Debbie Phillips (Founder of Women On Fire) Women on Fire, 20 Inspiring Women  Share their Life Secrets (and Save you Years of Struggle!). I have the honor of being one of the 20 Inspiring Women who share their life secrets in Debbie Phillips new book, Women On Fire. This book is a heart-stirring and heartwarming anthology of stories written by 20 courageous and powerful women who faced real-life challenges and successfully moved through them to become authentic women on fire. Each woman shares the details of a seemingly insurmountable obstacle and describes how she summoned the strength to overcome it and emerge stronger, healthier, happier, and more deeply fulfilled. The most important part of their message is that you can do the same! If you want to discover more about my 7 Secrets to Life’s Transitions, click here!

I’m thrilled to be a part of this book, this Women On Fire movement and to have so many wonderful Women on Fire in my life – my sister, my mom, my beautiful godchild, and my nieces!

Click here to order your personal signed copy of Women On Fire by yours truly!!

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Debbie Phillips, Founder of Women on Fire and me with the new "Inspire Me" DVD

If you want to be inspired even more, check out the newly printed – WOMEN ON FIRE DVD: Inspire ME – it’s s a delightful video tour into the world of Women on Fire.

Discover ways to move forward in your life when you meet real-life women who are “on fire” about their lives. Click here for more information about the DVD and how to order.

You will experience the magic of Women On Fire Tea Parties (read more about how the Women On Fire Tea Parties saved my life) and be invited into an exclusive live Women on Fire workshop.

If money wasn’t an issue… what would you do for fun?

When I was going through a difficult time in 2004, after just being laid off yet again… I met the most wonderful person that really helped me during that difficult time. Her name is Tama J. Kieves and she wrote this fantastic book called- This Time I Dance! Creating The Work You Love (which was just published in a new edition.) A friend I met at an unemployment seminar mentioned Tama to me and asked if I wanted to tag along to a seminar she was giving.

It was the best thing I could have done at that time for myself. Tama is such a dynamic speaker and her story is so inspirational of how she was a Harvard Lawyer and left her corporate job to discover her creative self and develop the livelihood that stirred her soul and paid the bills. I remember sitting in my chair and taking lots of notes and really paying attention to writing down the answers to her fabulous questions like- “if money wasn’t an issue- write down all the things I’d do for fun and that inspire me.” I’ve done this exercise a few more times since then and it’s a wonderful thing to do. If you haven’t tried this yet, I’d encourage you to do it. It’s a bit different from the question- “if you had all the money in the world what would you do with it?” Her question got to a deeper meaning within because I was able to write about what brings me joy and fun and entertainment and the list for me was long! And through that I was really able to focus on what my gifts are and I what my ultimate passion was that would fuel me in my new found career outside of corporate America.

Here’s a photo of Tama and I from last month when I attended her seminar in Montclair, New Jersey.

I realized I have many, many interests and passions. So my work was trying to simply narrow them down so I could get started and do something! Hence I ended up starting my Marketing Implementer business and in turn have helped many new and current business owners and entrepreneurs not only turn their businesses around, but see how they can use their passion in their business and also focus on areas they can reinvent themselves and create more income. Then of course I’m also going down some other paths, with contributing to a book that will be published in June and writing a chapter in another book that will be coming out in the fall. And I’m also focusing more efforts on my photography business and on my coaching women in transition business. I told you I had a lot of passions!

I hope you can gleam from these musings a little inspiration to pay attention and focus on what you love to do. It’s not too late to take your hobby and transition it into a business. “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” This is another one of my favorite quotes. Take a pen out now or open up a word document and start typing the answer. If I can do it- I know you can too! Let me know what’s working for you or if you need any help- I’m here!

P.S. It’s been 23 days since my operation and I just got the ok to wear this really stylish (not!) orthopedic sandal now. So no more boot, and in another week I can wear shoes again- yeah! I feel back to myself now and promise to get back to my weekly posts.